Memory Monday: Professor Quotes

Ah, Memory Monday: The day of the week when I reminisce about an old job.

Today we're going waaaay back to my college and graduate school days! Why? Because I was bored and cleaning out my bookshelf today, when I came across a bunch of old binders. That's right: Binders. Luckily, I didn't find any Trapper Keepers, because if I had, nostalgia would have highjacked my tear-ducts. Then, after a little internet research, I discovered that there is no reason to feel nostalgia because they still make Trapper Keepers...and now they're sexy! I don't feel special anymore.

I do, however, feel bad for the kids these days who take notes with laptops. How do they doodle? How do they know what their handwriting looks like? So much is missing... At the top of my notebook pages (college-ruled, thank you very much), I wrote memorable quotes from my professors; quotes that to this day are relevant and serve an important purpose in my life.

For example, reviewing the following quotes has made me glad I decided against becoming a professor:

• "Don't get ahead of me; I'll break your legs." Said by the same professor who told one student, "This is your moment in the sun, but oh look! I've stolen it completely." I'm glad I'm not a professor because I wouldn't want to be a dick.
  
• Some gems from my graduate school research methods professor: "MANOVA board!," "I went to a Halloween party once where someone came dressed as a 2-tailed hypothesis...ok, it was me." I'm glad I'm not a professor because I wouldn't want to be a total nerd (granted, I am already a partial nerd-- the difference is, I can currently function in society).
• "When you eat bread, do you feel lonely?" My professor for Understanding Consumer Behavior uttered this one over his cell phone as he was coming into class one day. He also gave me, "I was carded at 40 years old once...for real." I'm glad I'm not a professor because I wouldn't want to be sad.
  

Memorable hypotheticals, segues, similies, and metaphors I may one day steal for use in everyday conversation:

• "Let's say you're all monkeys in a garage..."
• "Eat like a bird, but poop like an elephant."
• "Crisis plans are like colonoscopies..."
• "I'm sorry to beat a dead horse with sports analogies, but I feel this all leads well into something Robert Frost once said..."

So, what did I learn today?

1. Though I may not have picked the right industry to work in (marketing research), I'm sure glad I didn't become a professor.
2. In this economy, my degrees seem utterly worthless...but if for nothing more than comments like the Robert Frost comment, I'm glad I went to college and grad school.