Monday, April 13, 2009

Memory Monday: Would you like to buy a vacuum?

Ah, Memory Monday: The day of the week when I reminisce about an old job.

I sold Rainbows one summer. No, it's not a metaphor; I worked for Rexair as one of their Rainbow vacuum salespeople.
Yes, this was a clear precursor to my gayness.
No, I didn't go door to door.
I did, however, do demonstrations for everyone I knew. This is probably because I was very excited about this vacuum cleaner. In fact, I was sold on these amazing machines from day one, and still want to buy one.

Oh I'm so glad you asked!

First, they don't even use bags! Tell me you're not intrigued!
Well, what in the dickens do they use, you ask? Water. I know, right?!

During my presentation, I would lead by telling my captive audience about the Rainbow's use of water. Every time, they became curious (read: skeptical).

Step two in the presentation was explaining all of the features of the Rainbow.

Step three, my favorite, was the "reasons why your vacuum sucks" step (or more appropriately titled, "reasons why your vacuum doesn't suck"). I'd get into the physics of it. It was sick. The part of my presentation that almost sold people every time was the "Rainbow vs. [INSERT POTENTIAL CLIENT'S VACUUM HERE]" test that occurred during this step. I'd put a piece of cloth in the nozzle of each vacuum, then use their vacuum to go over the same spot of rug 100 times. All the while, and it was a while, I'd be explaining the physics and what was going on with their vacuum. "It's just spitting things out the back and not sucking up what it should," I'd say. Then, I'd take out the cloth and show them the dirt. THEN, with the excitement building, I would go over the same spot of rug with the Rainbow only once and show them the cloth...and it would be even dirtier than the other cloth! "Wow!" they'd exclaim. "My house is so dirty! I'm so embarrased! Get out!" And I'd go, "I know, isn't the Rainbow great?!"

Then step four, my least favorite part of the presentation, was to basically say, "hey wanna buy one?" If they said no, they still got a free gift (usually a Ginsu knife) for giving me 5 leads, and I still got my $20 per presentation. But the bottom line is that in a whole summer, I didn't sell one Rainbow. Not one! My guess is it was probably because it cost $1180. But they last 25 years - 4x longer than any other vacuum! My friends' parents and my relatives, however, could not be swayed.

But I believe in Rainbows, and one day, I will buy one.

PS- Hey Rexair: You're welcome.

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