BAM it's the holidays

I'm so sad...my laptop has recently declared itself a Craptop. So in case you're wondering why I seem to be on sabbatical, it's not because I'm trapped under something heavy. In part, it's the craptop (blue screen of death, the whole nine). In, um, other part, it's the holiday season and to my amazement, I've found a way to be as busy as those fortunate enough to have jobs. And I don't even know with what I am busy...watching Dogs101 and SuperFetch? What happened to December? It was my birthday and Thanksgiving, there was a little cranberry sauce and a little turkey (ok, there were WEEKS of turkey), and then BAM! it's the week of Christmas. Somewhere in there were also trips to CT and Florida and NYC. There were birthdays and anniversaries and talks with relatives. I vaguely remember my aunt telling me she once took part in a drum circle.

It's all pretty fuzzy, but I do remember a wedding for which I was a second shooter (photography-like, not mafia-like). Sure, there was dancing and eating and drinking I could not take part in because I was taking pictures. But there were also unforgettable things, like the mother of the groom's veiny cleave, the dollar dance with rabies, the actual good shots I got, the awesome vendor meal, and of course the last song ("Proud To Be An American") and the circle of swaying hand-holders that came along with it. That was the moment I knew I'd be a second shooter again in a heartbeat!

In general, though, I feel like I blacked out somewhere. Or took a wrong turn at Albuquerque. And here we are. It's so good to see you again! I love your new sweater!

In any case, happy holidays to all -- and a new computer for me! Hooray!

Astrology

Sometime, when you have a lot of time on your hands, you should look up your astrology profile on something like cafeastrology.com or the like. Or just google "born on _____" (your birthday) like I did.

What comes up are usually sites that supposedly tell you what you are like. Mine, for example, says I'm optimistic and fun-loving, I love to travel, love adventure, am honest and straightforward, am charismatic, and other such gems.

Reading this, it made me wonder: Are there ever astrology messages that say "you're a terrible person and no one likes you"? I don't think there are, really. I'm not saying that the good messages are wrong - mine certainly wasn't. It just makes you go "hmm." It kind of perpetuates jerkdom, if you think about it, because some jerk, also born on my birthday, will read things like "you're charismatic and people like you" and think, "I'm doing something right by being a jerk!" The fact of the matter is, that's just not true.

It makes me wonder if we're all supposed to, on some level, embody some parts of our astrologically estimated personalities and the people who don't have had some bad stuff happen to them in life, or some moon was out of alignment in the year that they were born, or SOMETHING. Or if maybe astrology is all just purposefully vague so that anyone can apply themselves directly to any statement and say "yes, that sounds like me." Or if it's all just more complicated than that. I'll go with the gray area "it's more complicated than that" for 500.

Also, for what it's worth, every 7 years, my birthday falls on the same day people used to kill turkeys and eat them (now we pre-order, of course, and most of us don't own our own birds or livestock). I don't know what that means astrologically, but I call it my Birthgiving (cross between birthday and Thanksgiving, for those of you having trouble following along). And for the record, no, I have never given birth.

Mastering the art of putting plastic on your windows (I know- who has to even do that anymore?! ...me.)

1. Purchase the cheapest box of window sealer-upper plastic business you can find, because you're already angry that your windows are original (I'm sorry, authentic), 103 year old character-filled windows and you have to pay for heat and you don't want to pay any more than you have to. (Check Home Depot...in the aisle you wouldn't logically think to look the first 3 times).
2. Bring said box home and immediately realize that you don't have as much plastic business leftover from last fall/winter/spring (ok, non-summer) as you thought.
3. Return to Home Depot to purchase more plastic business, still not finding the correct aisle on the first try because in the time that you have gone home and returned, they've changed the location to an end-aisle display next to the air-conditioning units (?!).
4. At home, now adequately equipped with plastic window kits, begin cleaning the surface around the window to which you will stick the tape and plastic (because you learned that the hard way last time, even though it's true that cleaning crumbling wood can only go so far...but hey, we do our best).
5. Stick tape to outline of window.
6. Press down so the tape really really sticks.
7. Press down again.
8. Now do it again.
9. Ok, now you're ready. Remove the backing from the tape on the top of the window.
10. Place the plastic where you want it to go and start pressing down, fully prepared for it to go not at all where you want it to go and to get all bunched up despite your most careful preparations.
11. Repeat previous step with sides and bottom of window.
12. Get out your hairdryer and start the shrink-by-heat process, starting in the middle of the window.
13. Reach the edges of the window and watch in utter horror as the plastic, shrunk too much in the middle and now without give around the sides, pulls the tape right off your windows.
14. Curse the windows and remember that you have to start with the edges (where the tape is) when initiating the shrink-by-heat process.
    
15. Patch up window #1 with packing tape and move on to the next window, remembering to start with the edges when hair-dryer-ing it.
    
16. Reach the end of the process with window #2, only to once again, watch in horror as the plastic pulls away, seemingly inexplicably, from the window.
17. Curse the bottom of the window and remember that you have to put two layers of tape on the bottom, just because that's the way it's gotta be. Not that they tell you this in the directions, but you remember doing it last time.
    
18. Patch up window #2 with packing tape (it's an attractive decorating theme) and move on to the next window, remembering to start with the edges and to double up on the tape for the bottom layer.
19. Curse and patch up an entire room full of windows only to remember that you have to press down on the edges where the plastic meets the tape immediately after hair-dryer-ing each section, thus ensuring the desired, long-term stickage.
20. Finally, in a room that does not matter aesthetically because it is your bedroom and guests will not see it nor admire its lack of packing tape decor, complete your first error-free, completely sealed window.
21. Repeat for entire room full of windows.
    

Happy Plastic Season.

Happy Election Day

Happy election day everyone! Don't forget to go out and vote!

And for those of you who try to do your research before you vote, please, do take this campaign song into account:


Yes: this is a real campaign.
Yes: I may be voting for this man. For you out of staters: Don't you wish you lived here so you could vote for him too? Answer: Yes, yes you do.
Yes: You will have a better day with this song in your head for the entire day.

Jess passed the bar!

Jess passed the bar! Oh, you can read and you saw that in the title? Great, well, good for you! Shoot, you must have passed the bar too, with brains like that.

It's no small feat to pass the Massachusetts bar exam, but she did it on the first attempt and now she's a lawyer!

Hopefully, this will be the key that unlocks the ultimate job potential for her, because she definitely deserves it.

And I'm still job speed dating.

Let me back up my train of thought for you...
Jess passed the BAR. And we're celebrating with champagne and such...almost like we're at a BAR...and we're both looking for jobs...imagine if looking for a job was like going out at a bar or club to meet someone?! That would be ridiculous, and yet on top of being relieved that job searches aren't actually like that, why am I also somewhat dismayed...disappointed, even? I'll tell you why: Because deep down, we all know that sitting across the table from a potential employer, discussing your likes and dislikes and what is important to you in an employment relationship, OVER HOT TODDYS, would be fun. Maybe now I understand what it was like trying to get a job in the '60's (as a dude of course), Don Draper style, with all the drinking and socializing in what appears to be a relatively workless environment. Or maybe I watch too much Mad Men.

The JP Lantern Parade

We attended the Lantern Parade at Jamaica Pond this past weekend. Apparently, it's something that was started in 1984 by Spontaneous Celebrations. It has roots in both Japanese and Dutch traditions of lantern making and general autumn merriment. I would also venture a guess that it has something to do with the general Celtic and/or pagan symbolism of collectively and individually taking the light of summer into the darkness of winter. They used bonfires for such activity, but that's just not safe in a city, and certainly not kid-friendly (which the lantern parade is...whether it's adult friendly is still up for debate as my ovaries shriveled up several times).

But, nevertheless, the sunset and the lanterns were beautiful, as always, and the apple cider was delicious! Oh! And Jess found $10! NO, really!


And now, appropriately, I am going to watch Halloween 3. I can already tell it's going to be a masterpiece, but I'm willing to endure scads of incorrect information and a few low-budget special effects and bad acting just because it's that time of year. And because I have my Baby Ruths.

Funny Stuff to Read While Bored at Work

Hey, check out the top right of the blog.
Cool. Didn't know if you saw it on your own, so I thought I'd help you out. It's funny stuff to read while you're bored at work, the "blog" where I post short stories that I've written! Comments and feedback are welcome! Also, I plan on posting my funny novel on there at some point, too, so be on the lookout!

Disclaimer: If you're caught laughing (which you will be), blame it on the K cups.