Wednesday, September 9, 2009

My non-marketable skills

I was just hanging out with some friends, eating a delicious Moosewood recipe pound cake, when I realized I make a lot of sound effects. This was brought to my attention by one of my friends with the 'just observing' statement, "you're always ready with the sound effects." I have always secretly wished that I could market my sound effects skills. I could attend your family gathering, and, as someone asks you to pass the gravy, I could either give the play by play ("the gravy is crossing the middle of the table, and OOP! Aunt Cathy spilled a little!") or I could just add some nice, ambient, interpretive sounds (insert airplane noises or futuristic space zooming noise). Somewhere out there, there is someone who will pay for this. And I'm a top notch sound effects-ian, so I will accept no less than $20/hr. I'm worth it!

Another skill this made me think of that I wish was worth some money: My ability to communicate via nonverbals, such as the nod, the slight head cock, the puzzled look, the look of complete astonishment - I've got them all mastered. In college, my roommate and I would be eating dinner (often I would be eating one of my three rotating dishes- pasta, grilled chicken, or steak- and she would be dining on the disgusting mac and cheese with ketchup. I swear, you can tell a lot about a person by their culinary plans for ketchup... I digress). We'd be eating dinner and she would be telling me about her day or her most recent crew practice or what have you, and I would be interacting with her nonverbals. The best part? She would understand me! Never did she ask me for clarification on my look of complete outrage or my famous look that signaled, "tell me more about that." There are people that communicate in words that can't guarantee that kind of understanding! Someone out there would purchase this skill. Maybe I could teach a class on it or something. "How to communicate without saying anything in words but by using your face." I like it. $20/hr please. I'm giving you a look right now that says, "fork it over!" in a nice, non-threatening but meaningful kind of way. You'd know this if you took my class.


  1. Love it. And it is SO true.

  2. LOFL. I am unemployed as well. I would gladly pay you 20 bucks an hour to teach me an interview nonverbal that kindly says "Give me the job, NOW, thank you."