Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Stupid movies

Did you ever get stuck watching a stupid movie, but you just couldn't turn it off because you found that you were interested in how things turned out? You wanted to tear out your eyeballs because what you were watching was just a waste of an hour and 45 minutes, but you couldn't bear to look away because you wanted to see if the Inevitable Couple really did end up together. I've been there.

My mother has made this a prized past time, more valuable and frequent than say, knitting or decoupage would be to one of her peers. Growing up, every rainy weekend was accompanied by a stupid movie. Sometimes, such an afternoon included chicken noodle soup, chicken noodle soup, chicken noodle soup with a soda on the side. But that's besides the point. These movies were incredibly stupid, and yet we watched them to the end. My mother, who always watches TV with newspaper in hand, sometimes even put down the paper to watch the last 30 minutes. I was equally sucked in, and I could be found fighting back tears on the couch next to her as the orphan with one leg was reunited with her family that she thought she didn't have. In wartime. As they finally fled the country to their freedom. And then they got a puppy. The puppy was always the final straw, and my fight with the tears was lost. The stupid movie had won, and I found myself saying ridiculous things like "my God it's so beautiful!"

What were some of these movies? There were such gems as "Switched at Birth," "A Cry for Help: The Tracey Thurman Story," and "Flowers in the Attic," each containing hours and hours of entertainment. Neither of us is or was a really big fan of the overly dramatic lifetime movies, but we watched them nevertheless. Maybe it was meant to be, maybe it's in our nature. I don't know. But I've found myself sucked in to another stupid movie -- so sucked in that I rented it on Netflix.

I mean, in my defense, there are really good special effects. But that's where the excuses stop and I have to own up to what I'm watching: "Death Race." It's like action movie cotton candy, and there's no real substance whatsoever, but I can't wait to see if he wins his freedom and gets back to his daughter!

Also, I will leave you with a charming "P.S." -- these movies usually have winning lines in them that are supposed to be dramatic, but ALWAYS make you die laughing. Death Race's was this:
"Ok, c*** sucker, f*** with me and we'll see who sh**s on the sidewalk."
I mean, WHAT?!

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