Everybody is somebody's secret

So I decided to get my hair cut in the middle of the day yesterday, just because I can. I arrived earlier than my scheduled appointment and started flipping through a magazine. That was when I noticed this ad for Stoli:
I stopped mid-flip. For some reason, I was captivated by this ad. First, that woman didn't look either secretive or like she was someone's secret. She just looked, well, ridiculous. Second, that "Everybody is somebody's secret" copy was thought-provoking. I repeated it over and over as a Latin song played in the salon waiting area, and soon, the words were embedded into the music. It sounded a little something like this as I sang along:

I would have salsa-ed, but there wasn't enough room.

When the song was over, the ad copy was still on my mind. Was I somebody's secret? Did someone have a crush on me that I wasn't aware of? Or did someone dislike me? Then I thought some more and realized whose secret I was...but I can't tell you: It's a secret.

I continued flipping through the magazine and found an article on the crappy economy (you cannot escape it's wrath!), and then on something called "white-collar rage." Basically, it's the "going postal" we've all heard about, but spread onto other occupational areas. White-collar job-holders are generally worried about their job security and very upset about the state of the economy and their 401Ks. So they go to work with this stress bubbling up inside of them, and when something stupid happens (like a printer jam) to derail their day, swears, obscene gestures, and general temper tantrums are unleashed. One guy in the article was reported to have gone directly to a shooting range after hearing how badly his 401k was doing. Yikes. I'll bet he's somebody's secret.

Moral of the story: I'm glad I'm not working alongside these crazies right now. Maybe I should just hide until this is all over, then get a job...